DreamWalker

Former Lover

I have been having a recurring dream lately - very unusual for me. The specific situation and the people involved are different each time, but the theme is the same. I left a long term boyfriend a year ago (moved 3 states away) because he was unfaithful.

In my dreams, it's always the night before I'm going to move home and he and I are out with any number of people from my current and past life. It's always the same - we're out too late, he's in control of the situation (driving the car or otherwise), he's involved some girl in some way (usually someone from my life) to make me jealous, and I'm thinking the entire time about how desparate I am to get back to our house so I can pack for the movers coming in the morning. It usually ends with it still being the night before, or very early that morning anyway. In this dream I feel desparately jealous, and I usually wake up longing for him - this subides throughout the real life day.

It's been a year and a few weeks now since I left - this started right around our year anniversary of breaking up. I still sometimes wonder if he was the one, but want to believe that God would not send me "the one" in the form of a cheater. Since leaving him, I've landed my dream job, have bought a gorgeous house on my own, and adopted a wonderful dog. All signs point to me being better off without him, but why this nagging dream now, after a year?

Thank you.

Julia

This isn't the first time that I've heard from someone who has turned their life around, become successful in many ways, and yet still think about a relationship that didn't work out. I think that we do this to ourselves because we can't quite rid ourselves of the feeling that we did something wrong - "If my life is so great in every other way, then why couldn't I make this other thing work?"

The timing of the dreams is what leads me to this. They started one year to the day, when you broke up. This is a milestone, and we tend to pay attention to milestones.

Also, you haven't indicated that you have entered another relationship. This is another trap that we fall into: judging our own self-worth based upon whether we have someone else in our lives.

So it's no wonder that the emotions in the dream are of jealousy and longing. You spent all that time thinking that he was the one you would spend your life with, and it didn't work. Nobody likes to lose.

But I think we can also take some positive hints from the dreams. The fact that he was always in control - this cannot be good for anyone, just look at how you've taken control of your life since the breakup. And look at how you are focused upon getting back and packing for the movers. In this action, you are taking back what's yours, and moving on with your life.

I believe that these dreams will soon subside, if they haven't already.
Posted by Peregrin at November 8, 2008 04:56 AM

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November 08, 2008

Former Lover